RenRen (schaaap) wrote,

HAHA, I wanted to post this a week ago.

Oh. So confused.

Yesterday (10th) I was jumping around in my room and my mom walked upstairs.
"We have to talk."
I saw it coming, but I was in a decent mood. She told me again about the euthenasia (Or something) of my grandpa. That he's terminal and there's no future anymore. It was time. Today (11th) at 5. We cried together. It was so weird. Knowing someone is going to die. That you know the day, that you know the time. It was kindoff unreal. So we cried.
Then my mom went downstairs to tell her aunt and call my aunt, to ask if I could go there today. I could, so I've been there today.

Today. First we went to the hairdresser (SPURRR OF THE MOMENT THING). We both felt like it. So we got out hair done. Little distraction, it was nice actually.
Then my mom brought me to my aunts, my nieces and the boyfriend of one of them would come in an hour, and then my mom left.
We talked a bit, then we went playing risk. But at 4:15 my little niece (14) started crying out that it was only 45 minutes away, and did that every 5 minutes. So after a half an hour we all got nervous and quit the game for a bit. Then we talked about good things of my grandpa, and they all cried a bit. I didn't yet. Then we were silent for a couple of minutes, which I hated, but the niece wanted it, so I did it for her. at 5:45 we've got calls from my mom and uncle, that my grandpa was gone, that the drink worked almost immediatly, which was good. He had a peaceful death. He went with humor. Then we talked a bit more, and played more after an hour.
At 10 my aunt brought me home, and then 5 minutes ago my mom walked in. Ruud is here a lot too, it's good like it is now.

Now I cry a lot. And I really feel like I can't in front of others. It's a familything, but too because I think I have to protect my mom and care for her a bit now. Since she's sad and all, and it was her dad. I think I should prospone my grief a little. Or something like that. My mom's telling me more tomorrow..

A whole other thing, I'm gonna have my eyes measured. I pinch my eyes when I look at the screen more often, and I have lots of headaches, so I think it's time again. And since my mom and dad have glasses.. Yeah.
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